Most in life parents teach children things. But this weekend I had an interesting breafast with mydaughters and they taught me a few home truths that I had to sit up and take notice.
I have no sense of self. I was aware of this fact through chaging my coffee habits to be the same as whcih ever person I happen to be with any given time. I have had 3 long term relationhsips and each time I have adopted my partners coffee of preferance. But my girls tell me it runs much deeper. I go with which ever story I heard last in many aspects of my life so its very hard for them to take me seriously.
I repeat stories about others that aren’t relevant.
I am not disciplined so its hard for me to accomplish things completely.
I have a way of being helpless and don’t want to take responsibility in many aspects of my life. Therefore I hand over power to others on many major areas of my own life.
My older daughter put it very succinctly when she said “mum your life is not a group project. At some point you are going to have take responsibility for all of it”.
All this shocked me not because I wasn’t aware of my lack of sense of self but the enormity of it. All this was good for me to hear as I have been trying to wing it myslef and not gone looking for professional help. At least not consistantly.
Harshest thing to hear was that I have been only excisted not as an independant human but only as a response other people around me. This is not good news as I am already 47 years old. So this has made me want to kick start mylife as soon as possible.
